#cough syrup spoilers

[ramon-tikaram-love]

–I love you. –I know. –I mean it.

Ramon Tikaram as Charon Stephen Dillane as Prometheus Kaos (2024–)

[ineffablefool]

So is the significance of the oat milk latte with almond syrup actually that it's bizarrely gross and medicinal-tasting? Because I just got an oat milk latte with almond syrup and it is bizarrely gross and medicinal-tasting. (I know I joked with housemate that it was going to be a big ol cup of heartbreak, but eesh.)

[limnologylover]

what they dont tell you about being a little freak (appreciative) is you will be tasting weird things in drink mix packets

[chaotic-starlight24]

Sodapop Curtis General Headcanons

Well y'all, here he is. Our pretty little boy. I love Soda so much though, I linger a bit on the sad stuff though :( I'll be covering Two-Bit next!

Freetime Headcanons

Warnings: Spoilers and Some angst

There was one book that he managed to read and actually enjoy, and that was The Phantom Tollbooth. He read it in middle school and his parents were very proud of him for finishing it AND not forcing him to read it. (He was probably forced by a teacher)

He pulls out snacks and drinks from EVERYWHERE. Like he has legit just been talking to Pony on the couch and pull a Pepsi-Cola from between the cushions.

I mentioned in my freetime post that he is really good at doing hair. So sometimes he helps out Two-Bit and his mom by doing Dolly’s (Two-Bit’s sister) hair. She always likes when he does it because if her brother does it she usually ends up with 2 crooked ponytails.

When they grow up, he and Steve plan to own a car shop together. Soda would also like to start a horse-riding club for rodeos and everything. As I mentioned in my Steve headcanons, Johnny and Steve did a design for fun of the future car shop but Soda and Steve do end up using it (with a couple tweaks). 

Is Soda innocent and sweet at all times? NO. He is not shy when it comes to flirting with people. But he is also very respectful of women whenever they come to the car shop. He only flirts if they try to flirt with him first. Only if they’re the same age as him ofc. But one time Steve had to take over because an older woman was making some really weird comments to him. 

He was the first one to make friends with Dally in the gang. Him and Steve were hanging out and they managed to get Two-Bit to come with them because Mrs. Curtis didn’t like the idea of them walking around alone. So they walked over to the diner to see if they could get a free drink or something and Soda looked over and saw him. This scruffy looking 13 year old, crouched at the end of the bar thing. Soda is the most golden retriever person ever so he immediately went to try and talk to him. Dally tried to push him away but soon enough he was dragged into their little group.

He can get very self-conscious since he is supposed to be the “pretty” brother and will occasionally be found by Steve, just looking in the mirror. He doesn’t really have dysmorphia of any kind and is actually quite confident but he still has those moments.

Soda was not shy at all when it came to pulling his teeth as a kid. It’s just a bit loose? He yanks it out because it's annoying. One time the dentist told him to expect a specific tooth to be loose and he just pulled it out right then and there. (ONE OF MY FRIENDS ACTUALLY DID THIS)

He is one of the most talented of the gang with gymnastics. His favorite trick to show off with is front-flipping into a handstand and spinning on one hand. Can this actually be done? Idk. Would it look sick? Oh yeah it would.

He has the most amazing and cute laugh ever. He looks majestic, sounds beautiful, just top-tier enjoyable laugh. He throws his head back a bit and has the most adorable crooked grin.

Now for a bit of angst >:) After Sandy he was a lot more sensitive when it came to flirting or mentions of romance. He really thought Sandy was the one. Soda does not get angry easily but after Sandy, that was the first time Steve saw him snap at a stranger. Some girls really wouldn’t leave him be and he went off on them.

After his main breakdown when Darry and Pony came after him, he was happy they came. Happy they helped him back up and heard him out. But a small part of him wish Pony wasn’t so dang fast and Darry wasn’t so dang strong. He wanted to just keep running. Run until he found Sandy. Run until he made it so far from Tulsa that no one knew what a greaser was. He knew a hug and some tears weren’t going to stop the fights between Pony and Darry.

He gets colds really easily but he can’t get cough syrup down his throat for his life. It doesn’t help that Darry has this really nasty stuff that tastes like honey and rotten eggs and is like 20 years old.

He has freckles. That’s all. They’re beautiful.

He is one of the few to actually take Two-Bit’s love of Mickey/Disney seriously. Two-Bit has even dragged him to a couple movies. His favorite one was Mary Poppins. He has attempted to dance like Bert does.

He is the most physically affectionate out of everyone in all of Oklahoma. The more friendly he is with you, the more he’s affectionate. When he and Steve are sitting together he just drapes himself across Steve while talking. When he listens to Pony he’s usually holding Pony or hugging him. If he’s dating someone, he’s kissing their face and holding their hand all the time. He’s just more comforted by it. Mr. Curtis was the same way. Just a little less.

A couple months before he dropped out some Socs stopped him in the hallways. They were trying to steal the pocket money he had. He tried his best to hold them off him but one of them started getting physical. Until one mentioned his big older brother and that they should be careful. But the main soc told him that Soda was too dumb to ever think about telling him, or anyone for that matter. Not a thing going on in that pretty little head of his. Eventually they did end up leaving him alone. But those words stuck with Soda. Dumb. That was the word that came up in his mind first when thinking about himself. He wasn’t much more, was he?

As mentioned in my Johnny headcanons, he was one of Johnny’s first friends. He was one of the few to hear all about Johnny’s thoughts. He just had that way of making people talk to him. He heard all about how worthless Johnny thought he was. How little confidence he had. He tried his best in encouragement but he knew Johnny wasn’t going to listen. Which made it all the worse once Johnny died. He toughed it out when around the gang but one day after his work, he walked to the graves. He kneeled in front of Johnny’s. And sobbed. The boy who died feeling worthless, in agonizing pain. His friend. One of his first. And now he was 6 feet under. Nothing would bring him back. And next to him? The other friend he brought into the gang. He never really understood Dally all that well, but that was one of his friends. Now both would never meet him again. No more giving Johnny a sandwich at the DX cause he had nothing better to do. No more dragging Dally away from Buck’s to go to rodeos with him and Steve. No more gang hangouts with them all together playing games.

When Pony came home and then Johnny and Dally died, Soda felt horrible for his little brother. He had to watch him become much more closed off and defensive. He could barely get Pony to open up to him. He was terrified Pony would never have a good friend again. Eventually Pony got a couple of friends (As mentioned in my Pony headcanons, he and Esther became better friends) and Soda felt a little more at peace.

With the whole Vietnam war thing… I do think he would end up going, BUT end up surviving. We can’t have Pony lose everything ok! He was put on the less violent jobs and not thrown head-first into battle. Let’s just say he was allowed to go home after 2 years at most. That is all I will cover on that subject.

He’s a pretty good singer and he and Darry jam out to Elvis all the time. He really does sing his heart out. If Blue Suede Shoes comes on you know he has a comb in hand and tries to dance like Elvis. He also loves “Please, Mr. Postman” and if he’s feeling dramatic “It’s My Party”.

He doesn’t really listen to his own emotions much or tell anyone about them. He feels he’s supposed to be the listener. Everyone’s going through so much more than him! So he needs to be there for them, not himself! The only person he’s been vulnerable around is Sandy. Steve as well. Which meant it hurt so much more when Sandy left him.

The Curtis Brothers have an elderly neighbor named Nellie, she's 92. Soda brings cake to her once a week and just sits and chats with her. She brings them berry jam.

[ckret2]

I’m thinking bill sounds like the kinda person to pour both cough syrup and caffeinated coffee into the same cup to see if he can find the perfect balance between sleepiness and wakefulness. I wonder how bad that would be for him, seeing as bill most likely doesn’t care what happens to his body as long as the it doesn’t directly effect him. (spoiler alert: it did.) He would probably end up emptying his stomach like that time he ate that greasy hotdog from underneath the couch.

"What are you doing?"

Bill pouring cough syrup in a coffee mug, about to abuse OTC medication: "Having a religious experience."

He already experimented with cold medicine and booze during his forced camping trip, he's a little more cautious about experimenting with meds now.

[unblissfulawareness]

YALL THE HENRY DANGER FANDOM CAN HAVE A PROPER WE DIE LIKE TAG NOW (haha spoilers)

*cough cough* syrup wars Jasper *cough*

[theosconfessions]

im a littleeee bit ahead in my game now.way ahead of the bachelorette challenge. and just popped in scars house and realized i should really start playing the packs i buy more. freddy made himself some ice cream by pouring what looks like cough syrup into the ice cream machine. :3 but his little foot stool. im melting. and then he did dishes. scar has a good kiddie on her hands. i was VERY careful to crop these pics without spoilers lol

[chelledoggo]

tried that "oreo flavored coke" today

spoiler alert: it doesn't taste like oreos OR coke

it tastes like cough syrup

and disappointment

[mana-jjk]

tw: referenced death

jjk spoilers !!

nothing too in-depth, but referenced to the light novel and recent manga chapters

i think the best way to understand toge comes from trying to write him.

canonly, he’s one of the characters we know the least about. we know the hint of a tragic backstory, but we’ve never seen it. we know he can’t speak without hurting someone, but we are never given a situation to reference or the parameters of such. we know he speaks in safe words, but we don’t know why he chose them or why he didn’t choose another way to communicate.

when i write toge, sometimes i pause in between onigiri ingredients and think, why doesn’t he just learn sign language? why doesn’t he just pick up a pad of paper and a pen? why doesn’t he ask anyone to explain the meaning of his safe words? isn’t there a better way to communicate than with words that won’t be taken seriously?

and that’s how the think piece spiral starts. if you go back in my account, you’ll see way too many posts dedicated to analyzing toge, picking his character apart, headcanons and canon divergences devoted to understanding him. it’s hard to understand a character that was created because of a joke.

maybe it’s a bit too much of thinking that makes you attach to toge, the boy who has such an innate aspect of his humanity designated to be a weapon. why doesn’t he find a different way? i think maybe, because for him, every other way calls for the acceptance of seeing this crucial part of himself as nothing more than a tool to harm others.

can it be that easy? to live your life in isolation, trapped in your own mind, with the knowledge that your existence burns the people around you simply by existing — can it be so easy to simply find another way?

maybe it would be easier if his voice wasn’t weaponized.

if he simply couldn’t speak rather than having the capacity redirected into channeled danger. Never having a choice, born into this role with seals marking his fate, marking the danger he poises to curses, complete strangers, the people he loves most. It would be easier if his voice came as an unintelligible whisper, easier if a simple phrase didn’t have the capacity to slaughter the people around him. easier if the capability to harm did not extend beyond his own intentions.

i think it hurts.

beyond the physical wounds, beyond the copper behind his teeth and the taste of cherry cough syrup on his tongue. i think it hurts him to know that the only time his voice is ever heard is when it causes pain.

it’s like never raising your hand unless to hurt someone else. it’s there, you can feel it there even as everyone else tries not to see it. there’s bad connotations with that hand. because if you raise it, everyone knows that someone will be hurt. they try not to see it, yet simultaneously it’s all they seem to see. bloody hand, bruised knuckles, the evidence of your cruelty. if you want them to be afraid, maybe you relish in the obedience. but obedience is not respect, it is not love, it is a base understanding of the capability of your inhumanity. for someone like toge, that bloody hand has been innate since the moment he came into the world. bloody, bloody hand with danger far beyond the stature of such a small child.

i think with the elders, they see his voice as that bloody hand. he opens his mouth and there is terror without uttering a word. his existence is a stark reminder of his capability, even if he never raised a hand, not on purpose. it doesn’t matter. with a whisper he can explode living beings, twist limbs until they’re crushed beyond recognition, steal life within a second, before anyone could realize what is wrong.

snake in the grass without a warning rattle. less than a bite, less than the coiled danger, less than the venom secreted fangs. cursed speech users are an invasive species within the jujutsu world. that’s why they were managed. how were they managed? outlaws or invasive, dangerous or venomous, to die out or kill on sight. bloody, bloody hand, hissing, hissing rattle.

that’s why, i think he insists on speaking, even if no one would ever understand him.

the elders may never trust him, but for the people he cares about, there has never been an ingrained fear of his voice. because when he opens his mouth, they don’t focus on the sigils marring his tongue. they don’t flinch when he speaks. they are surprised when he uses his abilities. they are surprised when the boy who speaks in silly ingredients can completely pulverize a cursed spirit. they are surprised not at his humanity, but what he can do in spite of it.

when yuuta was afraid of him, it wasn’t in fear of what a single vibrating note from his voice might cause. raised hands, perceived irritation, a shadowed expression. never his voice.

even when he exploded up to hundreds of spirits at once, with one singular word. never fear, only awe, only interest, only hopes to understand him in a way that the self-inflicted barriers tried to deny them both.

i think in this case, yuuta is much the same.

if he knew that being around people, being around girls or rowdy classmates especially, was dangerous because of rika, why didn’t he stay away? if he knew, why did he even consider being around maki? because that meant accepting that his entire existence would forever be limited to the harm that befalls others. how do you accept yourself as a cause and effect? a calamity in skin and bone, blood red inside and out.

so he found other ways. please don’t touch me, please and thank you. i won’t speak as long as you tolerate being around me. manipulate the situation, manipulate the cursed remnants of a little girl until she thinks the way she needs to. the way you need her to. for the safety of those around you, even though you know there’s another way, a simpler way.

don’t speak, don’t be.

what’s left of them? how much do you sacrifice if only to not be alone?

so toge speaks to empty ears, to condescending eyes, to upturned noses who refuse to comprehend beyond the harm he may poise. to ignorant bystanders, who will never know the potential vibrating under his skin, waiting with snapping jaws at the first hint of intention. starry eyed children who latch on to the secret language, with sticky fingers and pure intention. confused tourists who try to follow along, who unintentionally give much needed attention. wary peers who hear of his technique long before they hear of him, who see the danger long before they see him.

he exists to contradict, to take the reputation speared upon him and turn the tables with bloody hands that all eyes only seem to focus on. for these reasons, he turns to intentions, turns to kindness that can be conveyed much farther than words.

be kind, be oh so kind, be so kind that you never have to speak a word.

sacrifice your blood and sacrifice your time, sacrifice as much as you can if only to be understood. a crying baby who cannot begin to register the harm of their shrill cries, a marked child trying to convey the words they were never taught, a one-armed teenager laying down what’s left of their life.

don’t kill him, he told nobara, sacrificing his self-imposed rules for a man who knew the weakness of his technique. because he couldn’t stand the idea that she would have blood on her hands. sacrifice a little more if only to convey how much you care.

because the tragedy of toge is that every word he says has the potential to become a dangerous reality. because he cannot warn others, he becomes their shield. because he cannot vocalize how much he cares, he becomes what they need most. because he cannot tell them who he is, he has to sacrifice everything to show them.

he was never going to let yuuta fight alone. because the beauty of yuuta is that he was always afraid for the wrong reasons. afraid of toge not because of his capability to be a weapon, but because he was afraid that he hated him.

can you imagine? every moment of your tired existence, trying to prove yourself as anything more than your bloody hands. to have someone not afraid of your blood crusted fingertips and split knuckles, but of your capacity to tolerate a walking cataclysm.

yuuta is so saturated in blood and despair that he cannot even begin to fathom caring about bloody hands. of course he sees them, sees them in the potential they hold, in the pain they’ve inflicted, yet also endured. holds them in his own like they’re delicate, sees the splits and scars and bruises, not as evidence of his capability, but in his durability. to be treated as breakable with such potential to shatter the world around him.

when i write toge, i always find myself in this train of thought. i think that’s why i love yuuta so much, i love how much he loves, even if it means the world burns.

on a happier note, i’ve been binging in nostalgia with the new fairy tail anime coming out !! i literally rewatched all 328 episodes lol it was one of my first anime i watched, and even if it’s a 180 from jjk, i’m of course thinking of crossover au’s because lol just look at me. i think i have a million au ideas and 27 posts in the draft <3

[chimerahyperfix]

cw: gore and mentioned death for like 2 lines, nervous breakdown (or at least on the edge of one). Spoilers for ISAT.

YIPPEE ONE OF THE 3 FUNNY LOOPS!!! YIPPEEEEEEE

readmore'd this one early because the cws are at the beginning (and this one's kinda chunky)

----------------

You'd been doing so well, this loop. You didn't crab anything up, you made the bomb and yet, and yet here you crabbing are, in the same bloodstained halls as always, kicking through puddles of gore like it's a normal Sunday, which you GUESS it is now!

Nothing you do matters. It doesn't matter it doesn't matter IT DOESNT! MATTER! And you just have to crabbing LIVE with it, forever, twenty four hours over and over, twenty four big metal bars of your hand-crafted cage.

So you just. Stop. Pull off to the side and sit up against a wall that isn't coated lightless with death and just.

You break down in tears.

It's still going. You're still going YOU'RE STILL GOING. One for all. Just you suffering, because everyone will be okay after you loop back, but not you! You'll carry this with you, forever! You don't want to be here anymore. You just... want it to stop.

And.

It does?

The world fades out, and not in the way it does when you die, no; it just... is suddenly dark. Thick and heavy like syrup around you. It's hard to move, to breathe. You find yourself struggling.

There are. Footsteps, coming in your direction. You can hear them clearly, like a pin dropping in a silent room. You struggle to your feet-- and it's a struggle, because you still can't breathe right and your legs shake like a newborn animal. It's a struggle to see anything around you through the veil of pure darkness that sparkles and floats around you.

And here you stand, in the sky itself, facing yourself.

More correctly, a mockery of yourself. It pulls itself forwards like you'd been doing all day, tilted and shaking and exhausted. Painted pure lightless and sparkling, like the blood painted on the King's armor. You glare daggers at it, because it is not you and if you believe it even could possibly be, even just a little, you will probably be giving it some kind of power.

It faces your direction, and it's lack of eyes and mouth sends shivers down your spine. It's not real, it's not real it's not real!!! It can't be!!! Why would this be real? You're frozen, you have to be because this is a crabbing DREAM it has to be you have to be frozen because if it's not then what the crab IS THIS, is your brain working against you? Are you imagining the frost crawling up your spine and the burning in your throat, if you try speaking you'll spit pure fire because you have Changed yourself with a capital C and Destroyed yourself with a capital D. It's a big angry mockery of yourself and you want it to go away you want everything to stop, stop, stop please--

It shifts. You move in response, nails digging into your palm. It takes a step forwards. The floor ripples like waves and they roll over your shoes, washing the blood from them. You back up some in return.

You open your mouth to say something or try and ward it off, but only a cough comes out. Blood runs down your chin.

It tilts its head (your head, YOUR head, it's freaking you right the crab out) and opens its OWN mouth, and--

It. Speaks.

[BURNING ONE.]

The sound that comes out, it's the King's voice. It shocks you still, and your lungs stop pulling in air at the pure horror. The thought hits your brain, did the King make this thing?

[Claude?]

No. No wait, now it's Euphrasie.

What.

[Do you know what this is?] Now it's Mirabelle??? [Don't drink it? What do you mean it's toxic?!]

Okay. Stop. This is making your head hurt. Like your brain has been restarted, turned off and back on again. You've run directly into a brick wall and now you're just confused. It's... using other's voices. Mockeries. Pulling from random conversations that you've just barely remembered. Mirabelle poured one of your potions on a plant she tried to grow once and it killed it. You hadn't cared at the time, but now, now... you'll never leave your stuff out again. That very same potion killed you, and it could've killed HER.

You know damn well what you've worked with. The plants and chemicals, toxic in every way. You'd always liked to dance on the edge of safety, tempting death to come get you: maybe that's why you're here now, doomed to repeat the same day over and over. Death coming back to laugh at you and take your soul, over and over again.

Maybe this thing is Death, coming to mock you face to face. Wouldn't that be a crabbing laugh? The very concept of the end, pointing and laughing right in front of you, using the voices of the ones you love. What a crabbing joke.

[Claude,] it pulls from Euphie again. [Are you okay?]

No. Why would you be okay, at this point? It tilts its head, and you shake yours. Crab it. Why not. Your voice is failing, withering away in the furnace of your mouth.

[HOW HAVE YOU DONE IT?] It echoes the King's voice at a louder volume.

You know. You know, you know you know. You wished, and figured out something new, something different, and now you have eternity and you want it to stop.

[Are you enjoying yourself over there?] Ohhh, oh you need it to stop using her voice. Twisting your girlfriend's kindly voice into something wrong, using it against you. You throw a punch, and it surges back.

[What do you mean, you've done this before?] Why, why is it doing this to you. You want it to stop you want it to go away you want to. [Can you tell me what happened?]

You can't. You don't, you don't want to do this anymore. Make it stop. Make it stop.

It looks at you. At your clasped together hands.

[YOU?]

Your voice sputters to life. Gurgles over blood. "I don't remember."

It opens its mouth.

[I wish...] Oh... that's...

[I wish we had more time!]

It reaches out, and grabs you by the lapel of your draping coat. Pulls you forwards. Your legs buckle under you, and it slightly holds you up. Looks down at you.

It has eyes behind the glasses now. Irises curled with spirals, the same crabbed up shade yours are.

[I'M SORRY.]

That's... that's you.

[THIS WAS THE DESTINED OUTCOME OF THE EXPERIMENT.]

Ahh...

The ice creeps up your back. Daggers and pins in your spine, between the bones.

[IT'S TIME TO GO TO SLEEP.]

You wished for more time, and...

It lets you go. You fall limp.

You can't move.

That's okay.

[BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD.]

You

Let go.

(If you had held out for five more minutes, you could've been there, beside yourself, when your hopelessness ate you alive and turned you into a Sadness. Watched as they found you, how they screamed, and how they had to kill what was left of you. Lucky you!)

[noturlondonboy]

We Lived Our Time // part one.

We Live in Time/Bishova crossover

Masterlist

SPOILER WARNING: the summary and tags for this fanficiton contain spoilers for We Live in Time. As does the actual fic, because yeah. Do not continue reading from this point if you haven’t seen the movie yet and don’t want spoilers.

Chapter summary: Kate and Yelena have their last conversation before it comes time to say goodbye.

Chapter warnings and tags: angst, terminal illness, death, sick Kate, coughing, choking, difficulty breathing, bad lungs, lung disease, established bishova, married bishova, baby Derek, grief

Word count: 1.6k

A/N: sad Bishova warning sorry gang

• • • • • • • •

The last few moments of Kate Bishop’s life were painful, but if she had the chance, she’s (mostly) sure she wouldn't change it.

“I’ve never actually gotten to say goodbye before.”

She tilts her head to the other side in a slow movement, where her wife is sitting next to her bed. They had officially put Kate on hospice a few weeks ago; being stuck in the hospital only made her feel like shit, more than usual, and the feeling was only amplified when her life expectancy shortened from six months to one.

Yelena’s expression is a careful mask, one that Kate has learned how to read through perfectly. Their hands tighten around each other from where they lay on the bed by Kate’s hip, finger tangled and palms flush. Kate’s breathing is deep and slow. Her chest rattles with each measured inhale, wheezes with each controlled exhale.

God, everything hurt.

Kate doesn’t quite know how to reply. She’s been feeling like that a lot lately- when she’s not up in the middle of the night with her face stuffed into her oxygen mask, or struggling to feed Derek his carefully chopped baby food with weak, trembling hands, there’s a tick in her jaw. So many words, so many thoughts and ideas and wants, and so little time for any of it.

This was probably the worst time for Kate’s usually constant flow of verbiage to suddenly dry up. She would be angry if she had the strength for it.

No words, English or Russian or otherwise, can ever make up for any of this.

“I love you,” is what Kate eventually comes up with. Her words are soft now, slower, like the languid draw of syrup in a straw. Her lungs feel like that these days. Thick and dripping with a rancid sludge that no amount of raw, painful coughing will ever dislodge.

Yelena’s lips tighten into a thin line, and she blinks harshly a few times in quick succession, but the frosted glass-like quality that had settled over her eyes the moment Kate received her diagnosis last year doesn’t dissolve.

The silence would be deafening if they weren’t both already so used to it.

Yelena is twisting the silver band on her finger- the only ring she can ever get herself to wear anymore- and her bottom lip is trapped between her teeth, threatening to stain pearly white with bright red. Kate weakly removes her hand from the blonde’s and brings it up to her cheek, which she finds no resistance in doing. Yelena always noticed the moment Kate’s psychicallity changed. For as lethal as she was, she was twice as attentive. Her fingers loosen and allow her wife to lift her arm from the bed before Kate seems to even realize what she herself is doing.

“Stop that,” Kate murmurs, her thumb pressing gently on Yelena’s lip until it's released from its confines. The brunette brushes over it with the pad of her thumb, wishing that her own failing body could soothe the pain in her wife’s eyes.

”I’ve never gotten to say goodbye before,” Yelena repeats again after a moment. Her face and voice are haunted, and Kate wants to scream from the knowledge that her beloved might never smile the way she used to again. Even if she did, Kate won’t be around to see it.

”I guess you’ll get to say goodbye this time around, then, huh?” Kate rasps, a cough slowly budding in her chest. She can always feel it as it grows, a ball that starts between her ribs and pushes and pushes and pushes its way through her organs and her bones and her blood until it can’t be contained any longer. This one is oozing through her at a low, creeping pace, taking its time to growl and prowl before it snatches her away.

Yelena finds her hand again, her collapsed palm over Kate’s knuckles as she holds both against her cheek and presses her lips to the pale skin of the brunette’s wrist. Kate’s pulse is thready and terrifyingly weak against the Cupid’s bow of her mouth. “I don’t- I don’t want to say goodbye, Kate Bishop. I don’t.”

”You don’t have to. I already know.” Kate wets her lips for what feels like the first, millionth, and last time, but as always, they stay cracked and dry. “Just be here with me. Stay here with me.”

Yelena notices her efforts and procures a water bottle from the bedside table, but Kate gives a wobbly shake of her head at the offered sip. As thirsty as she is, as she always is, she knows that swallowing anything would only worsen the cough that’s slowly getting bigger underneath her sternum.

There’s a dreadful sense of foreboding, of knowing, buried deep in her stomach, that this ragged choke of breath will be her last.

She had already said goodbye to the rest of her family. Clint and Laura and the kids had spent the week before in the city, with Natasha and Bucky popping in several times at random points. Wanda and Pietro and the twins had given her a massive, albeit very careful, Maximoff group hug. Agatha and Rio had delivered a freshly baked casserole under the cover of darkness- their best form of an apology for not being able to save Kate from the confines of her mortality.

When she had first gotten sick, Greer, Franny, and Charli had spent several days with her, cramming in as many activities as they possibly could before Kate became too ill to properly function on her own. She had hugged and kissed her best friends, nodding along to the promises of visitation, and had seen them a few times since, but those last few days had been her true parting with them, and she knew they felt it too.

Her parents weren’t difficult at all- all it took was a drive to the cemetery, where Kate laid herself over the cool surface of the Bishop joint headstone and murmured a vague promise to see them soon.

Derek was a different story, and Kate knew saying goodbye to her son had possibly been the hardest thing she’d ever had to do. It was only made worse by the fact that he didn’t understand the situation, and the knowledge that he could never truly know or remember the mother that had birthed him. It hurt more than the stabbing itch in her lungs ever possibly could.

And Yelena. Her Yelena. Her wife.

Her sweet, strong, good Yelena, who’s beautiful eyes were distant as she once again chewed on her lip, both of her hands holding onto one of Kate’s.

The cough is growing more prominent in her chest, and Kate feels a flare of panic, her fingers tightening around Yelena’s wrist. “Baby,” she rasps, eyes darting over the face she loved most. “Baby. Yelena. I love you so much.”

Yelena’s brow furrows, and she picks up on the note in Kate’s voice immediately. “Katie?” she whispers gutterly, every fiber of her body trembling. She shifts closer so that she’s sitting on the bed with her, their hips pressed together. Kate swears she can’t feel her legs.

She was supposed to have a few more days at best, another 24 hours at worst, but now? Now? She was leaving now?

Yelena was not ready to be a widow in more ways than one. She was not ready for any of this at all, and she wished she could rip the universe in half to fix it.

“Baby,” Kate says again, her voice tight, nearly a wail. She doesn't want it to be like this. She doesn’t want to be afraid.

Yelena, always two steps ahead, leans down to rest herself on Kate’s chest, her strong arms snaking around her body to hold onto her tightly. Never mind the fact that her squeezing restricts Kate’s lungs- Kate already can’t breathe for shit, and they both know it.

Yelena seems to have realized what Kate already knows to be true.

The cough erupts from Kate’s lips in a sharp, choked sputter of air, her eyes squeezing tightly shut. Yelena presses close and holds her and holds her and holds her, nearly crushing her to the bed because Kate is already dizzy and in pain and dying anyway, and the only way Yelena could possibly do anything to make it worse would be to leave Kate to do it on her own.

It hurts the way a dull blade hurts, aching and still sharp, stabbing through her body and making her blood fizzle and bubble up. She coughs and she coughs and she coughs, until the air stops coming and her heart stops screaming for it. Yelena is sobbing as she holds onto her, her face pressed into Kate’s neck as the pulse fluttering against her cheek starts to give out. Vaguely, she can hear Derek crying in his room across the hall, awoken by the sound of his parents in anguish. Oh god, why didn’t they have him staying with Laura and Clint? Or Agatha and Rio and Nicholas?

“Kate Bishop, I love you,” Yelena cries, every nerve ending in her body on fire as she holds the most important person in her life in her arms and watches the life drain from her face. “I love you. I love you.”

Kate clings to Yelena until her arms stop working, but the pain has faded by then, and even as her body continues to shake and struggle, she lets herself look. Just look. At Yelena, her wife. At their room, in their house. At the life they had built together, however short it had been.

Before her vision darkens for the last time, Kate swears she sees the glassiness lift from Yelena’s eyes, and the golden hazel she sees there is the color she hopes will greet her in death.

What Kate Bishop had not been expecting was to open her eyes again- especially not in the middle of an English countryside chicken coop.

Reblogs and comments are always appreciated <3

Comment to be added to the tag list.

— Next >

[kaedehime]

It's (Not) Like That

gojo satoru x fem! sorcerer

the first years can't tell if it's like that or not

slight references/spoilers of season 2 and the manga :)

"how do you know it's not like that?" kugisaki whispers.

"it's not." megumi replies without further explanation. "that doesn't answer my question!"

"i always thought they were together because of how much he talks about her." itadori sighs as he observes you from afar, "gojo sensei is going to die alone at this rate."

"please don't say that." megumi grumbles. "that would only motivate him to spend the rest of his senile days bothering us."

"that's bold coming from a fellow single person." kugisaki coughs. "they're almost always together! how can they not have any romantic feelings for one another?"

"I didn't say they didn't have romantic feelings for one another."

the first years watch as you and gojo sit under a tree sifting through paperwork. well, you diligently read through important reports while gojo scarfed down his second crepe from takeshita street and "supervised" -as he liked to call it- your work. he was nice enough to offer you a bite every so often. "we're going to need to work on their stealth." you mumbled, not looking up from your work. "those kids really think we can't see yuji's red hood sticking out amongst the bushes."

"too bad we don't have super hearing. wonder what they're up to." gojo licked the remaining chocolate syrup off his fingers.

you tidy up the papers in your lap and stand up. "beats me. did you give them one of your impossible missions again?"

"nothing is impossible for me." gojo winks. "just like how i'm impossibly handsome and irresistible."

"i'm going home." you deadpan. you begin to turn on your heels when you feel a tug on your sleeve. you narrow your eyes at gojo, you already knew what he was going to ask. "no."

"i didn't say anything!" gojo sputters.

you don't hesitate to roll your eyes, "i'm not in the mood for going out."

the 190cm beanstalk would look more intimidating standing up if it wasn't for the deep pout gracing his features. "but the new wormo man movie came out and i need someone to see it with me!" you could've sworn the pout got deeper.

"I told you all, it's Human Earthworm 4!" an indignant voice shouts. gojo feels the smile on his lips grow at the sound of your quiet giggle. he loves the sound of your laugh. you motion the first years to come over. you note the prominent vein popping out of kugisaki's forehead due to itadori's untimely outburst. megumi sheepishly rubs the back of his neck.

"having fun eavesdropping?" you raise an eyebrow.

"are you two-" itadori heaves and nearly doubles over from the force of kugisaki's elbow in his ribs. megumi avoids eye contact, embarrassed to be standing next to the other two first years.

kugisaki promptly interrupts, "of course it's like that. don't listen to fushiguro."

"it's not like that." megumi insists.

"what is not like that?" your brows furrow.

"kugisaki thinks you and gojo sensei are dating."

chaos ensues as the trio argue amongst one another. kugisaki starts firing off every single "romantic" encounter the three of them have witnessed between you and gojo. megumi can barely get a word in with itadori sprouting interjections of "huh" and "seriously?" you blink a few times before feeling the blush creeping up your neck. it's your turn to avoid eye contact with everyone when gojo enthusiastically wraps an arm around your shoulders and plants a wet kiss on your cheek. megumi's eyes couldn't have rolled harder. kugisaki and itadori's mixed screams of surprise and horror nearly overshadow gojo's next sentence:

"we're married."

my first post, look away

[ctubbolvr]

//cs!beeduo rant. will contain MAJOR spoilers for the fic!

cs!beeduo are so. they feel like real people, first off. because they are both oh so very flawed. and at first glance, they seem very different. they’re not that different at all.

they both feel kind of like outsiders. because cs!tubbo feels like he’s intruding, and has been, since he moved in with cs!tommy and his family and although they treat him like family, said they want to adopt him, he feels like he’s not supposed to be there. cs!ranboo has been living with cs!niki, and although she isn’t around very much, usually at cs!puffy’s, he still feels like he’s intruding. they both do. no matter how sweetly and caring the people they live with can act, it still feels like they’re not supposed to be there

and maybe it never will. but, to each other, it feels like they’re supposed to be there. two outsiders who can’t seem to find where they think they should be, found each other in a convenience store talking about tylenol. and maybe the title of the fic in general is simply just a reminder of how they met, but it might be poetic as in they met during bad times and knew each other (tasting the bitterness of the cough syrup) but as time goes on, they’ll heal (the effects of the medicine) so maybe that’s why they met while buying fucking tylenol. maybe in the future they’ll look for tylenol together and try to stomach all of the horrible times. but maybe they’ll be alright by then and not give it much of mind.

and then one similarity. how no matter what the person who fucked them up so badly does, they miss them. they miss them like they’re a dog and the person is some type of fucking god. because when cs!schlatt dies, cs!tubbo says he needs him. but schlatt never needed him. because he has schlatt’s dna, and he is just fucking like him, drinking alcohol and being related to him. schlatt doesn’t need him. he never would. without schlatt, who exactly is cs!tubbo? he’s not himself. no, because he’s cs!schlatt. at least that’s how he thinks of it.

and then you have the parallel of cs!ranboo and cs!dream.

//MAJOR CHAPTER 30 SPOILERS.

even after cs!dream tries to KILL HIM, saying for the past two years, he’d been planning it and it would all come up to this moment, and he slams his head against the dashboard, yells at him, makes comments about cs!ranboo being crazy (when he is psychotic) and pinning him to the ground and stabbing him, bandaging him up and texting him, telling him that he killed himself and it’s cs!ranboo’s fucking fault, cs!ranboo misses him. he wants him back. he wants to be hugged by him. according to him, cs!dream was everything he had and you know why? because cs!dream gave him a purpose. taking pictures and finding out why the town is dangerous. and without that purpose, who the fuck is he? no one. because cs!dream even said that cs!ranboo is NOTHING without him. and he believes him. because for the past two years, despite being yelled at and emotionally manipulated and maybe even abused, cs!dream was there. so of course he’ll do whatever he says just because he says it.

they both miss horrible people. because they’re convinced that without them, they’re nothing. but maybe they can find something in each other. find a way to be something. together. because healing is a fucking journey, but they’ve been through hell and might still go through it, but goddamn they’re there for each other. and then you have the sweeter moments.

when they talked about religion. when they opened up about it. when cs!tubbo said, “i don’t like talking about god.” and cs!ranboo just said “okay.” and that was that. and they foreshadowed with “if there is a god, maybe it’s in this car” to when cs!ranboo had been saying “i’m god” after that dream he had in chapter 30, with cs!dream yelling at him that he’s not god and he’s delusional and cs!ranboo needs him.

and of course, my favorite. chapter 28. because cs!ranboo saying not many people call him pretty, and cs!tubbo’s reaction to be to tell him “then i’ll make sure you’re used to it.” and proceeds to call him pretty two more times that night and he has his little “realization”, as he calls it. and after cs!ranboo opens up to him about his memory, and he asks him not to pick up his phone when cs!dream is calling him, and cs!ranboo says the sunset is pretty, and cs!ranboo calls cs!tubbo the fucking sun because of “beside him, the sun says, “so are you.”” which isn’t the first time he’s done that. when they talked about getting married how cs!tubbo said he’s most likely to marry cs!ranboo rather then anyone else. and how cs!ranboo whispered “i’d marry you.” and how cs!tubbo went on a spiel of how cs!ranboo would be a good husband. and then when cs!ranboo said he’d name a star after cs!tubbo if he had the money, because he thinks it would make him smile. and when cs!tubbo thought that he would run away, and that cs!ranboo would stay here and have a good life but he wants to ask him to run away with him.

can you tell i fucking love these guys.

[shewasverynice]

Fandoms: 呪術廻戦 | Jujutsu Kaisen 

⚠️ SPOILER HEAVY ⚠️

Major Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death 

Full tags/warnings on Chapter links post

Major Characters: Original Character, Gojo Satoru, Geto Suguru, Ieiri Shoko, Yaga Masamichi, Nanami Kento, Haibara Yu, Tsukumo Yuki, Choso

‎‧₊˚✧ Chapter 36 ✧˚₊‧

Shoko, Boe, and Rin stood awkwardly outside the convenience store. They huddled together under the awning, trembling slightly in the chill of the early fall rain. The sidewalks were nearly empty at this time of day and it felt almost surreal to see empty streets. The street lights reflected on the rainy concrete, giving the area a bleak and gray atmosphere.

Rin turned and peeked in through the window as Yaga paid for a few things. She pulled her hands up, breathing on them to warm them up as the wind picked up.

"Anything?" Boe rasped, "I haven't seen any Kamo in, like, half a day at least."

"Yeah," Shoko agreed, "Nothing."

"Nothing," Rin agreed as well. She glanced at the two of them and closed her eyes. "I never thought I'd be excited to get back to that old place."

"Let's hope today is the day," Yaga said as he rejoined the three of them outside. "As long as we aren't spotted we shouldn't have issue getting back home."

Yaga passed Rin the bottle of cough syrup out of the bag and she gave him a little nod of thanks before she started to pick at the plastic seal. "Make sure you drink some water," Yaga said quietly, watching as she measured out the amount of medicine with the little cup and drank it down. "We'll stay still today so you can get some sleep."

"Thank you, sensei," Rin said, passing him back the medicine.

He slipped it back into the bag, then nodded to all three of the girls. "Let's get back to the van."

Once the three girls had settled into the back of the van, Yaga sat up in the driver's seat watching the rain drops landing on the windshield. His arms were crossed over his chest, his eyes focused on the road leading out of the small alleyway they'd parked in. His fingers flexed just barely and he exhaled slowly, calming his heart.

All of this was becoming more and more dangerous and with every outing things had been beginning to escalate up until this point where it all finally had given in. The authorities wouldn't be a problem. The Japanese government would pardon almost any crime a sorcerer had committed without too much question, assuming of course they hadn't done lasting damage or killed a non-sorcerer.

What had Yaga on edge was the fact that the Kamo were openly searching for them. They'd clearly chosen an alliance which was something he never expected from them. Kamo never liked to be this direct with his choices. Kamo always preferred to keep his business and his families' business private. So why would he choose to work directly with the council for this?

He grit his teeth. They wanted Sarah back, that was clear and expected. The Gojo clan wouldn't move against their six-eyes and the Zen'in wouldn't move until they knew what the Gojos were doing. The two of them would hold until the last moment and he knew he could count on that. But Kamo? What was Kamo's angle in all this?

"God damn it," he spat, shaking his head.

"Yeah? That bad, huh?" Shoko's voice mumbled as she pulled the passenger door open and climbed up into the seat beside Yaga.

Yaga said nothing as she lit up a cigarette and slid down into the seat, propping her feet up on the dash. She glanced over at her mentor and smiled lazily. "You look stressed, Yaga."

Yaga gave her a deadpan look and she chuckled, shrugging just a little. "I know. Sorry it all got messed up."

"It's not your fault," Yaga muttered, shaking his head.

"I know it's not," she said simply.

The two of them sat in silence for a while. The rain had picked up significantly, the wind blowing the drops into sideways streaks across the glass. It was soothing in a way, the sound of the drops bouncing off the metal of the van and the slight whistle of the bitter wind.

"How is Rin?" Yaga asked.

"She's fine," Shoko answered, "She's asleep with Cathy in the back. Boe is probably out by now too. She was still tired after last night's watch."

"Good," Yaga sighed.

Shoko took a long drag of her cigarette, then held it out for Yaga. He waved it away, recrossing his arms. She grinned at him, taking another drag herself before tapping the ashes outside the window.

"So," she said, "What are we gonna do once we break the big vow?"

"I'm not sure yet," Yaga admitted, "Yuki is going to try to experiment with Sarah's technique. Ideally she will be stable enough to function."

"And what if she's not?" Shoko asked, "Then what?"

"Then I will re-instate the vow," he answered.

"How's your wound healing, by the way?" Shoko nodded towards Yaga's abdomen.

"Still healing very slowly," he muttered, placing a hand over his middle. "But I believe your technique was enough to stop the damage from spreading any further."

"Yeah? Well that's good," Shoko sighed, "I was sure the damage from breaking a vow would be way more dramatic than that. I'm glad I caught you that day. You should have told me sooner."

Yaga grit his teeth and turned to look out the window. "I didn't want to involve any of you with my mistakes."

"Well, you're probably going to have to forget about all that pride," Shoko said, tapping her cigarette on the window once again. "If just telling us that much about Sarah's vow opened up a rotting wound like that then at least I should be nearby when you break one again. If you want me to keep quiet about it, I will, but you can't just do things that put you in danger. If we lose you we'd be in deep shit."

"Thank you," Yaga mumbled.

Shoko expected him to continue, but when he didn't she rolled her eyes. She smiled to herself as she flicked the cigarette butt out the window and let her heavy eyelids start to close.

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

Sarah held her arms outstretched as Yuki held back the long white sleeves of her kosode. Yuki tilted her head, looking over the garment with a sour expression.

"Why does that chick back at Kyoto wear this? It can't be easy to battle in," Yuki muttered, letting the sleeves flutter down.

"Doesn't Utahime not really fight much?" Haibara asked. He was sitting nearby on the wooden porch, watching as the two women attempted to work with the miko garment.

"I think she's more like battle support," Sarah said, adjusting the obi and lifting up the Hakama just a touch. "Because like… running in this would be really hard," she muttered, letting the hems on the legs hover just barely above the ground.

"Well, I guess you'll just have to practice in it," Haibara said with a bright smile, "I think it looks really pretty on you."

Sarah blushed, scurrying over to him and giving him a soft peck just on the tip of his nose. He smiled at her, rubbing the back of his neck as the blush rose on his own face.

"Oh! Did you finish putting it on?" Satoru suddenly called out, the sliding door slamming open just inside the temple. He stepped out and playfully put his hand over his heart with a big smile, "Look at you!"

Sarah's eyes narrowed and she turned her nose up, helping up Haibara and wrapping her arms around his bicep. "C'mon Yu, let's go for a run," she said, pointedly ignoring Satoru.

Haibara looked at Satoru and shrugged, that goofy smile still plastered on his face as he dissapeared with Sarah outside the barrier.

"Oooh, what happened?!" Yuki asked, grinning like the Cheshire cat, "What did you do?!"

Satoru, still in shock from the snubbing, shoved his hands in his pockets and scoffed. He turned to head back inside, but Yuki was faster and clapped her hand hard down onto his shoulder. She pulled him back towards her, her eyes sparkling.

"No way, nuh-uh, you gotta tell me," she insisted, "What did you do to her?"

"I don't have to tell you shit," he sneered, pushing up his sunglasses. He shook her hand off and headed inside anyway, stomping right up to his and Suguru's room.

Suguru was folding a shirt when Satoru slammed open their room and he watched as Satoru walked straight over to him, knocked the pile of clothes out of the way and laid down with his head in Suguru's lap. Suguru looked at the scattered clothes and sighed, then placed his hand on Satoru's head.

"Something happen?" he asked softly.

"No," Satoru pouted.

Suguru raised an eyebrow. He pushed Satoru's bangs back with one hand and with the other he carefully removed his sunglasses and set them on the floor beside the two of them. He turned Satoru just enough to look into his eyes and held it there until Satoru finally groaned.

"I said some really stupid shit to Sarah yesterday," Satoru admitted. Both of his hands came up and rubbed all over his face as he groaned again, his back arching off the floor and feet scraping out of pure embarrassment.

"What did you say?" Suguru asked, sliding his finger's through Satoru's hair.

"She—well—-I just… I—Aarrgh!" Satoru shook his head, holding his hands up in the air and waving them aimlessly, "I just fucked it so bad!"

"Well, maybe it's not all that bad," Suguru tried to reassure him, but his expression couldn't hide his doubt. "Go on, tell me."

"I got her to admit she doesn't really want to do her technique, but she's still dead set on doing it," Satoru explained, "But then I… Well, I dunno, I told her some stuff that I didn't really mean to be insensitive but I think I was being insensitive? But the thing is I don't really know why I even said it anyway! I shouldn't have right? I should have just kept my mouth shut and—"

Suguru placed his fingertips to Satoru's lips. Satoru stared at him, the blush rising on his face before Suguru finally calmly said, "Relax. You're rambling. Tell me what you said to her."

Satoru sighed as Suguru drew back his hand and then he finally spilled. "I told her I don't like it when she's not around," he said quietly, "I told her I hate it when I can't see her and how I just want to be someone she can feel safe around."

"Ah, I see," Suguru nodded sagely, "That would hurt her feelings."

"I just… she always does that stuff with us, you know? She's so sweet so I thought it would be fine if I said how I feel too," Satoru groaned, "But it gets worse and I—I'm such a stupid asshole."

"What did you say?" Suguru pressed.

"She was mad at me for saying all that stuff and she brought up how she was trying to get over me and I…" Satoru paused, searching for something. His eyes darted around on the ceiling above him as he considered it and finally settled on, "I don't think I like it when she talks about not… not wanting to like me anymore."

"Ah," Suguru nodded again, his hand still gently petting through Satoru's hair. He tilted his head and an long awkward silence stretched between the two of them.

"It's not like what you're thinking!" Satoru said quickly, "It's not like that! I'm not secretly into her like that and I'm not jealous!"

Suguru said nothing for a few beats, staring down at Satoru's wide blue eyes. Eventually he smiled and asked, "So why are you so upset about it then?"

Satoru could see that smile barely reached his eyes and he swallowed. "I have no idea," he answered honestly, "I just got mad as soon as she said it and I just blabbed whatever I was thinking at the time."

"Satoru," Suguru asked softly, "Is it because you do like her?"

"No no no!" Satoru urged, "No, it's not like that at all!"

"Then how is it like?" Suguru asked.

Satoru scrambled up to sit up in front of Suguru and shook his head. "It's complicated and it's all jumbled up, but it's you that I like!" he insisted, "She's really important to me and someone that I want to protect at all costs. She's wonderful and she I really do get along, like, perfectly, but it's… it's like… she…" He trailed off, running a hand through his hair.

He looked up at Suguru and said, "She's sent me back before with the ashes. A few times, actually."

Suguru's brows shot up and his frown deepened. "So, how far back?" he whispered.

"The first time was fourteen years back," Satoru admitted honestly, "The second time was around new years."

"Fourteen years," Suguru said slowly. He looked at Satoru and tilted his head, "Why?"

"I died," Satoru explained, "I died fighting a revived Sukuna and she was someone I didn't even know. She died to revive me and at first I didn't even want to be back, ya know? It's hard to explain, but I thought I was done. I thought I didn't need to be around anymore and she'd just died for nothing."

Satoru looked down at his hands in his lap. "But she'd left instructions for me. She'd left me a way to come back to when we first got to JJT as kids and I was so so grateful." He shook his head and continued, "My whole first life was spent dwelling on regrets and things I could have done better. All I did was work and sleep and focus on making sure what happened to you and I wouldn't happen to anyone else."

"What happened to us?" Suguru asked softly.

Satoru stared at Suguru. His Adam's apple bobbed as he considered the question and he nodded a few times. "You deserve to know," He whispered.

Satoru took his time, slowly explaining everything in the best detail that he could. Suguru said nothing, listening closely to the story. He didn't ask any questions, only waited for Satoru to finish. When Satoru did finally finish, his eyes darted all across Suguru's face trying to get a read on anything.

"S-so that's why," He stammered out in the awkward silence, "That's why I feel so close to her. I owe her so much more than I can ever give her. This was exactly what I always needed and I didn't even know how badly I did until I got here."

Suguru held his silence for a while longer, considering everything. Eventually he asked, "So you don't have feelings for her?"

Satoru's mouth fell open and he threw up his hands. "No? Is that all you took from all of that?!"

"No," Suguru said softly, "But I think maybe you're not being honest with yourself."

"No, I don't have feelings for her," Satoru insisted, "She's just a kid to me. I was nearly thirty years old before and she's cute, but just a kid. I swear!"

Suguru snorted a little. "That's a bit hypocritical when you're dating me, isn't it?"

Satoru furrowed his brows. "Okay, well that's different though… I've been thinking about us for a long time and what we had and what we could have—"

"I'm just teasing," Suguru said with a little smile when he cut him off. He reached up and ruffled Satoru's hair when he said, "A lot of things have become clearer thanks to your explanation. Thank you for telling me the truth finally."

"I'm just so grateful to her," Satoru whispered. Both of his hands wound in his lap and he stared at them as he continued. "I just can't believe that I'm really here and I'm finally doing exactly what I always wanted. She's been the catalyst that's turned my whole life around and I'm just so incredibly grateful to her that I… I just want to make sure she never has to worry about anything ever again." Satoru looked up at Suguru with a smile, "I want to give her the world. I want her to live in a big mansion with a billion servants and never have to do anything for herself except eat grapes or some shit."

Suguru laughed. "She would absolutely hate that."

Satoru grinned. "I know, right? She would be so mad at me."

Suguru sighed and reached out his hand, placing it on Satoru's knee palm up. Satoru gingerly placed his hand in Suguru's and looked up at his boyfriend.

"Thank you, Satoru," Suguru said earnestly, "Thank you for finally telling me all this. I think I understand you so much better than I did before."

Satoru smiled, "Yeah? Did that help make this mess make any sense?"

"It does," Suguru chuckled, "But please, don't hide so much next time." Their gazes met and Suguru's brows furrowed, "I think you should tell the others this as well."

"What? Why?" Satoru asked, "They don't need to know. They'll just want all the details and I'll have to tell them they died and how it happened. That wouldn't help them."

"You need to tell them," Suguru insisted, "They deserve the chance to make changes to their lives based on their own choices."

"But they don't even need to know about any of that stuff since it won't happen this time," Satoru argued, "I mean, everything is completely different than the first time. Haibara won't die next year and we already took care of Amanai. Nanami won't need to fight Dagon or even see Jogo. There's really no good reason to tell them something that would just freak them out about some shit that will never happen."

"No, but you would be eliminating their autonomy if you choose not to tell them," Suguru said, "They should be told so that they can make their own decisions based on their previous mistakes."

"No, that doesn't make any sense," Satoru said, "It's not like they remember any of that happening. They may not even believe me!"

"They'd believe you, we all have it confirmed that Sarah's technique works that way," Suguru added, "We know it's possible."

"Not that part," Satoru scoffed, "I mean about their past lives! I can't prove that anything I've said is real so why would telling them change anything?"

"It would!" Suguru gritted, "It would give them a new perspective on things they may already be considering."

"No it wouldn't! Especially not for Haibara!" Satoru laughed darkly, "He was killed because the higher-ups are morons, not for anything he did. Telling him he died wouldn't change anything for him."

"Why don't you want them to know?" Suguru asked, balling up his fists, "What are you hiding this time?"

"What? I'm not hiding anything!" Satoru spat, "I just told you everything!"

"How can I know that?" Suguru scoffed, "Yet again you're making excuses and keeping things from others. And for what? So you shoulder all the responsibilities yourself? Why do you get decide what's best for them? Why are you infantilizing them and assuming they can't possibly know what's best for themselves?"

"Why are you so upset about this?" Satoru asked, shocked by that response.

"I'm not upset!" Suguru shouted, jumping to his feet. He glared down at Satoru, his nostrils flaring with barely contained rage.

Satoru sneered up at Suguru and said, "You sound pretty upset to me."

"Why do you always think you're the only one who's got it right?!" Suguru shouted, "Why do you always have to be the one with all the damn control?!"

"Because I've already done this shit!" Satoru shouted right back, "I've already seen it and I know what needs to change!"

"How do you know I was wrong?!" Suguru spat, his eyes never leaving Satoru's as he stood up in front of him as well.

"What do you mean?" Satoru hissed, "Are you talking about your big stupid plan from back then?"

"How do you know I was wrong?" Suguru repeated.

"Because you fucking died trying to do it, moron!" Satoru shouted, "What do you mean?! You can't seriously be asking me that!"

"I'm asking you that because you clearly never talked to me again," Suguru scoffed, "You're telling me you just assumed I was completely wrong in my conclusion and you just let me leave without even trying to talk to me even once?!"

"Suguru, don't you fucking dare do this," Satoru growled, "You have no idea what it was like back then for me. You have no idea how hard I took it when you left."

"I always knew you were treating me like you thought I couldn't handle things," Suguru jabbed his pointer finger in Satoru's chest, "You think I can't handle myself, don't you?"

"Well, you couldn't before," Satoru sneered. "We failed a mission, then Haibara died, and without me you fucking lost your goddamn mind! So, no, Suguru, I don't think you can handle this life like that and I've tried to—"

"Fuck. You." Suguru glared at him. He tilted his head back defiantly, staring down his nose at Satoru.

"Yeah?!" Satoru shouted, "Well fuck you too you stupid ungrateful moron! I've been working non-stop since I've come back doing shit to make sure the future is good and we all come out of this shit alive and happy!"

"That's ridiculous," Suguru rolled his eyes, "You can't honestly believe that. You've been fooling around with all of us pretending to be a teenager and just enjoying your new life just as much as trying to change it. Admit it."

Satoru's mouth fell open and his eyes widened. He dropped his head, gritting his teeth and feeling the hot shame rush through his veins. "So what was I supposed to do then?" he hissed, "What was I supposed to do then, Suguru, since you know so much better? Am I just not supposed to enjoy myself ever? Should I have come back and immediately turned this place upside down and fixed it?"

"I would have started doing what needed to be done right away, yes," Suguru said calmly, crossing his arms. "I would have taken in my failures and done better with my second chance."

"Easy to say that when it's not you," Satoru spat, "Easy to say that when you haven't lived the life I had and felt the way I did!"

"All the more reason to pick up where you left off as soon as you got here," Suguru said matter-of-factly.

"Right, just start murdering people?" Satoru chuckled, then rolled his eyes. "That's what you would have done, yeah? Just start the killing right away. I'm sure that's what makes you right, Suguru."

"Sometimes that is the only option," Suguru said with a condescending snort, "You know that's true. When those who are in control are out of line the others rely on us to sort it out."

"Because we're strong we get to decide what's right?" Satoru retorted, "Is that what you're saying?"

"No, I'm saying—"

"That's exactly what you're saying. You're saying that we're strong so we're the ones who need to make sure all those dumb little weaklings don't fuck shit up," Satoru taunted, "You think we're so far above them that they just can't keep it together unless someone is around to tell them."

Suguru rolled his eyes, but when he didn't disagree Satoru laughed. "See? You've always been so fucking arrogant, and that's coming from me!"

"You—"

"I am arrogant and cocky and rude, yeah yeah," Satoru took the words right out of Suguru's mouth, then grinned, "But I'm not the one who actually looks down on the weak ones like they're useless, do I? I've never been the one who got a hard-on about being a leader and being in control just because I'm the strongest." Suguru started to retort, but Satoru was already waving him off. "Just, shut up. I shouldn't have told you anything," he muttered, "This is exactly why I didn't."

"And yet again you treat me like I can't do anything right," Suguru gritted.

"Well, prove me wrong then," Satoru scoffed, "Prove me wrong and I'll apologize. Hands and knees and everything."

"I will," Suguru grunted, "You'll see."

Satoru watched him storm out of the room. He slammed the screen door behind him and Satoru immediately let his head fall back and he screamed in his mouth. Kicking at the pile of folded laundry on the way, he fell into his cot with his arms crossed and his brows low.

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

The sun filtered through the canopy of trees, casting dappled golden light onto the forest floor. A slight chill lingered in the air, carrying the faint scent of pine and earth. Haibara tightened his grip on Sarah's hand, pulling her closer as they walked. She nestled against his side, her laughter soft and warm, like the sunlight that danced around them.

"Cold?" he asked, his voice low and teasing.

"Not anymore," she replied, her cheeks pink as she glanced up at him. His heart skipped a beat, as it always did when she looked at him like that—like he was the only person in the world.

They reached the top of a small hill, the path sloping downward into a sea of vibrant green. Haibara stepped in front of her, turning to face her with a playful grin. "Careful now," he said, his hands finding hers again. "I’ve got you."

Sarah laughed, her fingers tightening around his as they began their descent. The ground was uneven, dotted with roots and rocks, but Haibara steadied her every step of the way. She stumbled once, and he caught her effortlessly, pulling her close until their faces were inches apart. For a moment, the world seemed to pause—the rustling leaves, the distant chirping of birds, even the breeze holding its breath. Then Sarah smiled, and Haibara felt his chest swell with something he couldn’t quite name.

They reached the bottom of the hill, and the forest opened up into a wide clearing. Tall grass swayed in the breeze, catching the sunlight and turning it into a shimmering sea of gold. Haibara glanced at Sarah, her green eyes wide with wonder, and without a word, he took off running, pulling her along with him.

Sarah’s laughter rang out, bright and unrestrained, as they raced through the grass. The world blurred around them, nothing mattering but the feel of her hand in his and the sound of her joy. When they finally stopped, breathless and grinning, they collapsed onto the soft ground, the grass forming a natural cushion beneath them.

Haibara turned onto his side, propping himself up on one elbow to look at her. Sarah’s hair was tousled, her cheeks flushed, and her eyes sparkled with a happiness that made his chest ache. He reached out, brushing a strand of hair from her face, his touch lingering.

"You’re so pretty," he said softly, the words slipping out before he could stop them.

Sarah’s smile softened, and she reached up to touch his hand. "You’re not so bad yourself," she teased, her voice barely above a whisper.

As they lay side by side in the clearing, the tall grass swaying gently around them like a protective cocoon, Haibara felt a quiet pull in his chest. The world seemed to slow, the rustling leaves and distant birdsong fading into a soft hum. He shifted slightly, scooting closer to Sarah until their shoulders brushed, the warmth of her presence seeping into him.

Sarah turned her head to look at him, her eyes soft and curious. Haibara’s breath caught for a moment, his heart pounding. He reached up, his fingers trembling just slightly as they grazed her cheek. Her skin was warm beneath his touch, and she leaned into it ever so slightly, her lips parting in a quiet sigh.

Gently, he tilted her face toward his, his thumb brushing against her cheekbone. Sarah’s eyes fluttered shut, and Haibara felt his own do the same as he closed the distance between them. Their lips met in a kiss that was soft and sweet, tentative at first, then deepening just enough to make his head spin. It was the kind of kiss that felt like a secret, like something meant only for the two of them, hidden away in this sunlit clearing.

When they finally pulled apart, Haibara rested his forehead against hers, their breaths mingling in the cool air. Sarah’s eyes opened slowly, and she smiled.

"So do… do you want to, uh," he stammered, swallowing hard. He picked his head up, awkwardly rolling onto his hands and knees. He hovered over her, his breath catching at the sight of her under him like that.

"O-out here?" she squeaked, glancing around as if an entire crowd had gathered to catch them.

"No one will find us," he whispered. His fingertips dug into the dirt beside her head. The sunlight caught on her eyes, the green lighting up just right. "It's just you and me out here," he murmured, his lips catching hers in a deeper kiss.

Her hand landed on his back and he shivered. The heat running through his veins was unlike anything he'd ever felt before. He could feel her heart through her lips, her breaths fanning on his face and her fingers unsure about tugging his hair.

With a soft gasp, he pushed her mouth more open with his lips and touched the tip of his tongue to hers. His body froze when her tongue didn't retreat, the two of them were left unsure what the next step was supposed to be. He let his curiosity take over, exploring her mouth freely. Her hand decided on tugging harder in his hair and he groaned in his throat.

Haibara sat up, staring down at her with heavy lidded eyes. She looked back up at him, her cheeks flushed and eyes wide. He stared at her and only managed out, "… want to?"

She swallowed, the hand in his hair loosening and falling to her face. She bit her lip, covering her eyes with her hands. She nodded just slightly and he sighed, laughing just a little with relief.

"Okay," he said softly, letting his lips brush against the shell of her ear. "I promise I'll do a good job."

Prev Main Next

Taglist: @inthedarkshadows000

[pixelatedraindrops]

Consider This Scenario:

Makoto Kagutsuchi getting sick with a bad cold for the first time ever in his life.

He'd totally be the type of lunatic that would drink cold medicine or cough syrup directly from the bottle like it was an energy drink. And there would be multiple bottles.

It WAS medicine right? It would make this stuffy and yucky feeling go away so he could go back to work??

(Spoilers) TW// vomit mention

He was immortal, what could possibly go wrong?

...

Only for him to suffer the HEAVY consequences of intense hallucinating, a higher fever and a lot of vomiting later.

Then he’d have a seizure and die.

…

And then when he comes back,

He would never do that again.

...

well maybe just one bottle next time.

(makoto no)

[waterfallofspace]

Letting It In & Letting It Go (2/3)

The one in which K/azuki learns to let his feelings in, and R/ei learns to let his walls go down, at least a little. Feat. Sick R/ei, caretaker K/azuki, and heavy ship implications (cough outright statements cough), though, they aren’t in a relationship at this point.

Same description as the last one, welcome to Part Two!  (Link to part one is ~~here~~)

R/ei is still sick, but hopefully he’s feeling a bit better since the last time. I guess we’ll see, won’t we?!  (Again, welcome to ‘I have B/uddy D/addies brain rot so, to anyone who bothers to read this, thank you for your time, I hope it’s enjoyable!) (references to violence, swearing, smoking, trauma, bad coughing/wheezing, incase you don’t like any of that) ((ALSO: There are spoilers for B/uddy D/addies. Slight, but it’s still spoilers, so be warned!))  Characters: R/ei, K/azuki, Angst&Banter feat. Caretaking  Word Count: 5.9k (oh lord)

Kazuki’s eyes flutter open, and as he gets his bearings, he realizes he fell asleep at the table. Rei is still letting out congested snores from the couch, but the slight wheeze in his lungs is gone. ‘That’s a relief, at least for now’ he thinks, a yawn escaping. Stumbling to the door, Kazuki opens it to find, true to his word, Kyu had left a basket of supplies outside. The note pinned to it lists what’s in it, and what medications not to combine. ‘Thanks Kyu’. He makes another mental note to text him later with an actual thanks. He lays all the stuff out on the table, taking stock of what was brought. There are some tea bags, a few boxes of tissues, and a pharmacy worth of medications. Cough drops, cough syrups, nasal decongestants (in the form of sprays), pain relievers, and antihistamines, along with a few boxes of general cold meds. Each is unopened, and clearly listed on the note by name, type, and what not to take with it. Turning his attention back to Rei, Kazuki tries to figure out, without waking the man, what medications he should get ready. He can hear the congestion in his snores, so getting him to take the nasal spray when he wakes up would probably help. Kazuki sighs to himself, realizing that task may not be as simple as it sounds. Rei isn’t exactly someone who enjoys discomfort, so convincing him to use a spray that will help, but will feel awful at first… ‘yeah, not gonna be easy’.  Getting back to symptom management, he thinks back to yesterday. The fever was alarming, but it’s since broken, and Rei doesn’t look particularly warm anymore. He was also coughing and sneezing a lot, which he isn’t now, ‘but that’s most likely due to him, ya know, being unconscious’. After studying the list a bit more, and comparing medications and uses, Kazuki decides on a few main choices. Setting aside a nasal spray, general cold medication, an herbal brand of cough medicine, and a handful of cough drops, he packs the rest back into the basket. The tissues are set next to the medication, along with the tea, of which he picks out a nice vanilla chamomile, and gets up to start the kettle.  ~~~~~~~ Stirring on the couch knocks Kazuki out of his sleepy daze, and he looks up to see Rei raising a hand to swipe at his nose. He attempts to sit up, which apparently requires significant effort given the pace he’s going at. “Rise and shine Rei, you want some breakfast?” The low groan he gets in return is indistinguishable as an answer, and since he didn’t eat for most of yesterday, Kazuki decides Rei no longer gets a say in the matter. He starts cracking a few eggs, turning on the stovetop and fishing a frying pan out of the drawer.  “Hh’nggxt-! ehhH’NNgxt-! nnDGXXT-!uhhh”  “Bless you!” “hH’KNNGT-!hhuhh”  “And again. You want bacon with your eggs?” “Who said I want eggs?” Kazuki let out a soft sigh, flashing Rei his most charming smile with just a touch of pleading in his eyes. “You didn’t eat anything yesterday, or dinner the night before, so today you’re eating eggs. But the bacon is optional, because I’m not gonna waste perfectly good meat on you if you’re just gonna pick at it and leave it behind. It’s bacon after all.”  Rei gives a grunt in response, so Kazuki throws an extra piece of bacon on, just incase. He could always eat it himself if Rei’s uninterested. Taking note of the harsh quality of Rei’s voice, he also starts a pot of rice, something easier on the throat and stomach. While the food cooks, Kazuki takes a minute to take in Rei’s appearance. He’s normally dishevelled, but the redness around his nose and pale quality of his skin is making him look particularly rough. He looks almost bruised, the dark bags under his eyes deepening against the tired depth of them. At just the sight of him you’d think he hadn’t slept in months, but with this sickness he’d slept more in the past day than he had in weeks.  The way his teeth dig into his lip and the lines forming around his eyes read plainly of pain. His hands grip the controller a bit too tightly, the whites of his knuckles showing. His whole body is tense, like normal, but the slight trembling of his muscles suggest this stance is taking considerable effort. Kazuki picks up on these tells almost instantly, shuddering a little as he realizes just how deeply Rei must be hurting for him to be able to notice them so easily. “Hey-” Kazuki starts, not missing the way Rei flinches at the volume of his voice. He softens a little before continuing.  “-I have some medicine for you to take. Kyu dropped it off outside earlier, must have been when we were- uh, nevermind! The point is, I need you to take it, so do I need to make some airplane noises, or are you adult enough to do it yourself?”  Rei gives him a measured look, before shrugging, his eyes flashing back to the TV. ‘Not an outright no, so that’s progress!’ Kazuki thinks to himself, turning off the stove and plating the food he’s made. He piles himself a nice tall plate of eggs and bacon, with a small bowl of rice. However, he serves Rei just a single fried egg and a small pile of rice, setting the single strip of bacon next to it. Nothing too overwhelming, just something to give his system a bit of energy. “Come and get it while it’s fresh and hot!” Rei trudges over, and Kazuki doesn’t miss the wince he tries to hide when he first stands, or the way his hand flies almost on its own to his head, giving his temples a quick rub. ‘Headache then, and likely a bad one.’ Kazuki makes a mental note to add ‘pain relievers’ to the list of meds he has set out for Rei.  ~~~~~~~ They ate in relative silence, Rei picking at his food, but managing to get bits of it into his mouth. Sniffling and light coughs broke up the still air, but Kazuki just ignored them. It almost felt like feeding a stray cat. Every movement Rei made was calculated, and in return Kazuki was slow, careful not to scare him into retreating back to the couch.  “hH’KNGT-! hIH’DNNT-!uhhh”  “Bless you! ….Those sound like they hurt.” “It’s fihhhne. Hihh… hAH’GNXXT-!uhhh”  “And again.”  Kazuki can’t help but grimace at the weak groan that escapes Rei’s throat before he can suppress it. ‘Why stifle when it’s hurting your head so much, and not even stopping the tickle?’ He muses, watching as Rei ducks into his chest with another contained sneeze, this one barely even audible. The watery quality of Rei’s eyes as he slowly brings his head back up doesn’t go unnoticed, but Kazuki decides to put it on the backburner. Right now he needs to focus on getting Rei to take the medication. He reaches back into the basket, pulling out a bottle of painkillers, and adding a couple to the cup of meds he had already set out. Setting the nasal spray beside it, and pouring a spoonful of cough syrup, he meets Rei’s eyes. “Swallow these with water, then take this.” Seeing the hesitation on Rei’s face as he regards the nasal spray, Kazuki gives him a light chuckle. “You can save that one for later. You should do it eventually, but these pills will take the edge off the congestion anyways. Now hurry up before this falls off the spoon. Kyu paid for this, so I’ll make you lick it off the table if it spills.” Rei gave him a low growl, but swallowed the meds dry, ‘show off’, before taking the spoon, making a face as he put it in his mouth, but finishing it anyways. Satisfied with these results, Kazuki gestures for him to return to the couch, and Rei obliges eagerly.  Kazuki then went about clearing the table, and making a mental note to make rice again for lunch (as it was the only part of the meal Rei had actually finished). He then happened to glance back over at Rei just in time to see him crush his nose into his wrist with a harsh “hH’KNNGT-!” that left them both wincing. “Bless you. But christ Rei, just cut that out already, you’re gonna kill your head even more. It’s actually hurting me to hear you do this. I thought we went over this yesterday!” Rei shoots him a glance at that last section, as if desperately searching for any indication of the day prior that fever seems to have wiped clean. “I don’t remember much of yesterday. Just something about the tub…”  “Yeah well, not surprising. You were pretty out of it. Anyways, doesn’t matter, the point is, suppressing them like that is fine for jobs or whatever, but right now you’re just hurting yourself. Plus it’s… it’s gotta be annoying right..? It doesn’t exactly scratch the itch.” “It’s a habit.” Kazuki rolls his eyes, knowing just as well as Rei does that with this much sneezing, it’s a choice, not an instinct. And even though he does believe Rei that it’s a habit, he also knows that the sneezes aren’t gonna stop anytime soon. Keeping this up is just gonna make his headache even worse. Rei brings a hand up to crush his nose shut for another deeply unsatisfying “hH’NGXT-! heh’DXXGT-!” and when Kazuki sees the tear roll from his eyes at the pain of it, he can’t stand it anymore. He walks out of the kitchen, passing the living room and heading up to his bedroom to fetch something. The feather duster sits right where he left it in his closet.  ‘Sorry Rei, but I promise this is for the best’ he says to himself as he approaches the couch once back downstairs. Rei is giving him a measured look, obviously noticing the way he’s holding his hands behind his back. “I’m sorry it had to come to this, but I cannot listen to you doing that anymore. You’re gonna break something, either in you, or me.” “What are you ta-” He cuts Rei off with the duster right to his face. “Kahhh! Kazuki what the fuhhhhh- hUH-! What are you doing?”  “You seem set on suppressing them out of existence, and I’m putting a stop to it.” Rei tries to bring his hands up to push the duster away, but doing so just sends more dust and feather bits right at his face. Kazuki continues brushing his face with it, only stopping when Rei’s hitching turns into a desperate shaky inhale. “hhHEHH-! hH’ZZSCHH’OO-! HH’RUSHH’OO-! ESHH’OO-! hehH- RSHH’OO-TSHH’OO-! Hihhh… heH’TSHH’OO-!  Hehh! MMPFSHH’OO-! Hehh… hahh…. Hhh-!” “It’s okay Rei, let it all go. I don’t mind. You’re safe here.”  “Ahh… hehh…. hehH’MPFSHH-! Hehh! MPFSHH-!uhhh TSHHH-TSHH’OO-! hEHH! Kaaahhhhzz- haAH’ZZSCHH’OO! I can’t s- stooohh… stop-” Without thinking, Kazuki reaches over, prying away Rei’s hands that he’s stapled to his face, and pinches his nose shut. Rei lets out a soft moan as the sneezing finally dies down enough to let him catch his breath. They sit like that for a minute, until Kazuki realizes he’s still holding Rei’s nose, blushes, and lets go. “Bless you! See, isn’t that better?” Now it’s Rei’s turn to blush, taking the last of the tissues from the box next to him, and letting himself fully blow his nose before responding. “....yeah, it does feel better.” “I knew it! You should really listen to me more often, I’m quite brilliant. You people, you and Kyu, never appreciating my intelligence. You think you’re all that because you’re a tough assassin, practically perfect at it, raised by famous killers, but I’m just as smart you know! If not more so! I had to do it without all the training!” “It was effective training, but it wasn’t all good.” Kazuki pauses his victory dance, finally realizing what he had said.  “Sorry… I didn’t mean-” Rei cuts him off with a shrug, wiping his nose once more with the tissues before tossing them and picking his controller back up. Eyes still on the screen, he spoke again. “I wasn’t allowed weakness. I learned how to hide any sign of humanity, any ‘flaws’.” His tone is balanced, almost like he was reading a grocery list. Just stating facts. But there’s a pain swimming through his eyes that makes Kazuki’s mouth run dry. It’s almost like he can feel all the emotions trembling below the surface of Rei’s calmly annoyed mask, pounding on him from the inside, waiting for a crack so they can seep out. Kazuki wants to give them a way out. Give Rei a space to break down some of the walls his ‘Boss’ had built up in him. Maybe let him figure out how to show his humanity again, something that was so cruelly stolen from him. That’s what he wants, but he knows that’s not what either of them needs.  ‘What Rei needs is a space where he can keep the mask on without effort. That’s what he needs. That’s what both of us need. In this job, we can’t form attachments. We can’t let our masks slip, not even for a second. We need to be cold, collected, and calculating.’ And then, even though he tries not to, he lets his mind wander back to that same old place it always seems to end up. An umbrella floating through the street, the smell of smoke, the ringing in his ears… ‘We don’t get to have people get close to us. That just puts them in danger, and us in danger of losing them.’ “hEH’KSSHH’OO!”  A sneeze breaks him out of his spiralling thoughts, and as Kazuki’s eyes refocus, he realizes Rei is staring at him. “Heh, sorry, got a bit lost in thought there. Bless you.” “It’s fine. Thought you were gonna fall asleep standing up. Didn’t want to worry about you splitting your head open.” Kazuki laughs, and Rei lets a smile slip across his features for just a second, before the grimace of annoyance resets itself, and he turns his eyes back to his game. Kazuki feels a yawn slip out, and Rei directs a raised eyebrow at him. “Didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, I think I’m gonna take a quick catnap.” “Okay.” The answer is short, but he can see the slight flush on Rei’s cheeks as he thinks back to the reason Kazuki is so tired. “Nighty-night.” He shoots over his shoulder, heading upstairs to his room.  ~~~~~~~ The alarm goes off at twelve, just like he wanted it to, but Kazuki still fights the urge to throw the phone at the wall. Letting his head flop back against the pillow, he considers staying in bed all day, but these thoughts are quickly silenced when he hears a bout of harsh coughing from downstairs. Sighing a little, and letting a stray “hH’ISH’shiiew!” slip out as he pulls his jacket back on, Kazuki heads for the stairs, nearly falling down them at the sight waiting for him. Rei stands beside the door, putting on his shoes, holding a loose fist to his mouth as the coughs shake his whole frame.  “What in the ever-loving-fuck do you think you are doing?”  Rei jumps slightly, which is alarming in of itself since Kazuki wasn’t exactly being quiet as he came down the stairs. “Going out.” “Oh like hell you are! And just where are you planning to drag your sickly form to? Gotta go infect a supermarket? Why is it that the one time I actually want you to stay home all day, lazing around, you decide, ‘oh no, no, today is the first time in my life that I feel the unfightable urge to go outside!’ For the love of god Rei, the one time!” “I’m going to see Kyu. We dropped out of the job at the last minute because of me. He’s probably angry, and wehhh! hH’ZZCHH’OO-! we need to take a new one to make up for it.”  Kazuki blinks, staring at Rei, who for his part, is still putting his shoes on. “Bless you. I already took care of that.” “What?” “I told him that you were sick, and he brought the basket over. He said just not to let it happen again, he isn’t upset at us for bailing. Sickness isn’t exactly something you can help…”  Rei’s face was his normal calm annoyance, but something unreadable flashed in his eyes.  “Oh.” And then it hits Kazuki. This probably was new to him, the idea that being sick wasn’t a punishable offence. “Besides, with the state you��re in right now, I don’t want you in position and then blow it because you-” “heH’NNggxt-! hh’nnGT-! AH’KTNGTT-!uhhh” “-Took the words right out of my mouth. Bless you.” “I didn’t say anything.” “Shut up! You know what I mean- oh forget it. You just go lay down again, it’ll be time for more meds again soon. But for now, you should take some cough drops, that cough sounds pretty painful.”  “It’s nothing. My head is worse.” Kazuki feels his mouth drop open at the admission as Rei slowly bends down to take his shoes off again, leaving them in a pile on the floor ‘oh come on, really?’ before making his way back to the couch. Reaching over to pick up the shoes, Kazuki hears Rei sneeze again from behind him. “hH’NGT’ooo-! hEHK’TSHH’OO-!”  “Bless you!” He calls as he puts the shoes back next to the door, heading over to the basket of meds to get Rei’s next dose ready afterwards. “Snfff`- hehh.. hhH-! guhhh…”  Kazuki risks a glance over at Rei, noticing the way his hand is hovering slightly in front of his face, as if he’s waiting for one more. Reaching over into the basket, he grabs a box of tissues and tosses them onto the couch. “Blow your nose, it’ll help.” Rei obliges with an eye roll and sigh, rubbing his nose into the tissues for a moment before letting a harsh blow scrape out. Kazuki winces, making a mental note to buy more tissues next time he’s out. If- ‘okay fine, “when”’ he catches this, he’s gonna need them. “hH’ZSSCHH’OO-!” “Bless y-” “hAH’TSHH’OO-! RRSHH’OO-! heH’NNGXT-! Hehh… hH’MMTSHHH’OO-!uhhh… hhh… heHH-! Guhhh… hhH-! hhHDT-uhhhh…” “Christ, bless you again, and again. Are you al-” “HH’TSHH’OOO-! mmMPFFSHH’OO-! hEhH-uhhh…. Hhehh- hHH’ZZSCHH’OOO-!”  “Bless you! What the fuck Rei, why are you getting so much worse so fast?” Rei just gasps in response, ducking back into the tissues with a harsh triple that doesn’t even give him a breath in between. “hUH’ZSSHH-RSHHH-TSHH’OO-!” Kazuki doesn’t even give a blessing this time, his focus completely taken over by figuring out what’s going on. Even for Rei, this isn’t normal. Sneezing with a cold is one thing, sneezing with this level of viciousness for no reason is something completely different.  Racking his brain he tries to remember the last time, if ever, that he’s seen Rei this bad. Earlier he got a longer fit out of him with the duster, but even that wasn’t nearly as throat-scraping as this, and at least gave him time to collect his breath in between. “Kaahhhhzuki-! hUH’SCHHH’OO! RSHH-TSHHH-TSHHH-KSHHH’OO-! hEHH! hEH’ZZSCHH’OOO-!” Rei’s still desperately sneezing into the tissues, but the box fell off the couch during the commotion. Kazuki reaches to pick it up, and freezes at the sight staring back at him. ‘Lotion infused? Wait a second… Is Rei… Oh fuck-’  Kazuki throws the box on the floor, rushing to the bathroom and coming back with a toilet roll. Rei shoots him a frantic glance as he tears the tissues out of his hand, replacing them with a section of roll, which Rei quickly uses to blow his nose. Taking a desperate breath, letting another “hH’TSHH’OO-!” escape, and blowing his nose again, Rei finally manages to stop the fit. “You’re allergic to lotion!?” “What?” “The tissues dumbass, they’re lotion infused! Are you allergic to lotion?” “I guess so. I’m allergic to most perfumes, so I guess that would make sense.” “You’re what? You didn’t think to tell me this? That maybe I should know so, oh I don’t know, off the top of my head, so I don’t give you lotion infused tissues that nearly kill you? Maybe so that doesn’t happen!?” Rei just shrugs, burying his nose in the toilet roll again and letting another leftover sneeze scrape out of his throat. “HH’ZZSHH’OO-!uhhh” At the tired groan that follows, Kazuki manages to get a hold of himself. Taking a few deep breaths, he shoots Rei a dirty glare, before rubbing a hand down his face. “For future reference, telling me about things you’re allergic to is no longer optional.” “Okay.” Rei pauses for a minute, a harsh cough cutting him off before he can continue, and Kazuki hands him a water bottle from the coffee table. After taking a sip, and clearing his throat, Rei continues, voice noticeably softer, though not necessarily by choice. “Sorry. I didn’t think it was relevant.” The apology seems sincere, regret plainly painted across his face, so Kazuki offers him a gentle smile and playful punch to the arm. “I mean hey, it’s your nose that suffers after all.” Rei moans slightly at the reminder, lightly rubbing his nose against his palm, grumbling out, “It still itches.” Kazuki grabs the meds he was getting before, adding an antihistamine to the mix this time. “Yep. You’ll most likely be itchy for a while, but here, take these. I added an antihistamine, that should help kill the reaction a bit faster. The rest is for the cold.” A low groan is all he gets as an answer, but Rei swallows them, so he counts that as a win. “Maybe we’ll save the nasal spray for another time, I think right now it’ll just make you feel worse. They normally cause a few sneezes.” Rei’s eyes go wide as he nods, then immediately flinches at his head changing positions. “Still got a headache, hm?” This time Rei plays it safe with a verbal response. “Yeah. hAH’SHH’ooo-!”  “Bless you. At least they’re getting softer.” “Mm.”  Kazuki pauses, his mind drifting back to a time in his life that he simultaneously refuses to let himself think about, and can’t seem to ever stop. Back to holding her head in his lap, gently rubbing her neck and temples, back when she’d get migraines during pregnancy. “Do you get migraines?” “Yeah.” “I uh…” Kazuki raises a hand sheepishly to the back of his neck, turning his head slightly away from Rei’s eyes. “I might know something that could help.” He doesn’t get a response, but Rei is watching him intently, eyes studying his face. ‘Shit, he looks really cute like that- woah woah, no, what kinda thought is that?’ Quickly deciding that answering himself would be the easiest way to get Rei to stop giving him that look that seemed to set him on fire from the inside out, Kazuki heads to the kitchen. He fetches a washcloth from a drawer, running it under freezing water, ringing it out a bit, then letting himself drift down onto the couch. “It’s uh… It might be a bit awkward, but you lay your head in… uh…. In my lap, and then I just kinda-” Before he can finish, Rei has paused the game, and laid onto his back, his head resting on Kazuki’s legs. Both of them are stiff, the tension rising off of them enough to raise the heat in the room by several degrees. Without a word, Kazuki places the washcloth on the back of Rei’s neck, and lets his hands touch his hair, starting to run down towards Rei’s temples, pausing only when he flinches at the contact. “Alright?” “Yeah.” With that, he continued his gentle rub, a smile fighting through his control when Rei’s eyes snapped shut and a low moan escaped his lips. ‘His lips… they look so soft… I wonder what they taste like’ Before he knows it, Kazuki feels his own face start moving forward, longing to touch Rei’s lips with his own.  ‘Woah, okay, I’m definitely getting this illness, because I must have a fever. That’s the only explanation for why I just thought that!’ Kazuki rushes, heat starting to stain his face with a light pink tint, but thankfully for him, Rei remains none the wiser, his eyes still closed as he gently hums against the welcome touch. Slowly, he starts to drift off, until soon congested snoring fills the room once more. Kazuki lets his eyes linger on Rei’s lips just a moment longer than he should, before leaning back, and letting his own eyes flutter shut, their breathing quickly falling in sync.  ~~~~~~~ A harsh sound snaps Kazuki out of his sleep. Looking down at his lap he realizes Rei’s head isn’t there anymore, and when he turns his head he sees the man curled up on the edge of the couch, a harsh cough sputtering out of him. “Rei, are you okay?” A wheeze is all he gets in response, followed by deeper coughs that have him nearly falling off the couch. When his eyes find Rei’s, he feels the colour rush out of his face in response to the deep pale tint that Rei currently has. “Hey, okay, take it easy, shit- can you breathe?” Rei opens his mouth to reply, but the only sound that escapes is a faint whisper that seems to catch in his throat. His eyes are wide, panic practically seeping out of them, before he ducks back into his shoulder with another wet, rattling cough. The whistling sound when he tries to breathe answers the question for Kazuki. No, no he can’t. ‘Okay, fuck, don’t panic, think this through, what helps with coughing?’  Raising to his feet, Kazuki drapes Rei across his back, wincing at the way Rei tries with all the strength he has left to direct the onslaught of coughs away from him. Thanking god that the walk to the bathtub is short, Kazuki kicks the door closed behind them, setting Rei carefully on the ground. He then turns to the tub, turning the water as hot as it will go.  Rei gasps desperately, a harsh wheeze leaving tears in his eyes as he doubles over into himself with another round of harsh coughing. Kazuki can’t tell if the tears are from the rattling of the cough, or fear, and honestly he can’t decide which is worse. Finally, after a mere matter of minutes, but what felt like hours, the steam starts filling the bathroom. Rei is still coughing, but the whistling sound when he breathes is already starting to back down. ‘Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking’.  Kazuki lets the bathtub start to fill, walking over to where Rei is, and easing himself onto the ground next to him. He reaches out to rub Rei’s back, but pulls back when Rei flinches away, desperation overflowing in his eyes. They sit like that for a minute, both frozen, aside from the chesty cough still shaking Rei’s frail form, before slowly, Rei leans back into the touch, his watery eyes meeting Kazuki’s. Neither of them say anything, neither of them could if they wanted to. But they don’t need to. Kazuki looks into Rei’s eyes and knows what he means. ‘Your touch is allowed, just be gentle. I’m still learning how to feel safe with it.’ And in turn, Rei knows what the look he’s receiving means. ‘I know, I’ll be careful. Just let me help you.’  As the steam fills the room, Rei’s wheeze slowly starts to fade out, the cough loses some of its ferocity. Even so, Kazuki continues rubbing slow circles, and Rei doesn’t move away from the touch. Once the cough backs off enough for him to take a breath without any whistling, Kazuki stands, not missing the way Rei’s body trembles slightly when he removes his hand. “Come on, let's get you back to the couch, I’ll get you another dose of the cough syrup, and you should try to get some more rest. I have some work to do for a job Kyu asked me to finish up anyways, I’ll work on that while you sleep.” “Okay.” Rei’s voice is raw and harsh, and makes both of them grimace, so Kazuki reaches down and helps Rei stand, letting out a low hum as the other man winces at the movement. “Easy now, don’t go pulling anything. Carrying you is still a no from me, I’d like to keep my back intact.” There’s a faint hint of something that could be considered laughter from Rei, and given the state he’s in, and how expressive he normally is (ie. isn’t) it’s frankly impressive. Once they get back to the couch, Kazuki lets Rei lay down at his own pace, before getting him the cough syrup. Rei once again makes a face that reminds Kazuki of a child, but it’s better than not taking it. He stands and watches for a minute, making sure Rei’s able to drift off, before heading up to the office to finish the work he promised Kyu. Somewhere in his mind, a voice he shut in a box a long time ago starts screaming again, and he has to fight to ignore it. ‘This is love, you are in love!’  ~~~~~~~ “hH’SHH’UHH-!” A hoarse sneeze alerts Kazuki that his patient is awake again, pulling him out of the spiral his mind had chosen to wander down. Making his way downstairs, he’s relieved to see Rei sitting up, a lot more colour in his face. “How are you doing now? You gave me a bit of a scare. Ya know, for a smoker who seems to have remarkable tolerance to cigarettes, you sure have weak lungs!” Rei opens his mouth to answer, but all that comes out is a hoarse rush of air, followed by a deep, voiceless groan. A laugh escapes Kazuki’s lips before he can stop it, earning him a dark glare from the man sitting on the couch rubbing his throat. ‘This funny to you?’  Yet again, no words are needed for Kazuki to know exactly what Rei means. “Yes, in fact, it is pretty funny to me. You know that old saying, ‘your face will freeze that way’? Maybe this is the voice equivalent. You don’t use it enough, so it’s decided to just up and pack its bags!” Rei shoots him another glare, but this time there’s a hint of humour in it that he isn’t able to suppress. Kazuki winks at him, before checking the alarms he’d set on his phone for meds. “It’s gonna be another few hours before I can give you another dose of anything, so I think you’ll just have to put up with this for now.” “Well… at least… you’ll get… what you always… wanted… to talk without… interruption…”  The words are strained, and seem to scrape against his throat enough to make Kazuki audibly gasp. “Hey, woah, no no no. No more talking, not only is that extremely bad for you, but christ man, it sounds horrible. Don’t do that to yourself, you’re just gonna wreck something beyond repair.”  “Aren’t… you usually… on me… about not… talking enough…”  “Yeah but this is different! Seriously, it sounds painful. You should rest it, and drink some more water, try to give your throat a bit of a break.” Rei just nods this time, hand still lightly rubbing his throat, apparently done trying to fight his body on this particular matter. ‘Probably good, seeing as this is one fight he has no chance of winning. Only person skilled enough to take down Rei, is Rei’.  Kazuki sits down on the couch beside Rei, who had picked up the controller again, deciding to watch him play games for a while. Kazuki starts to feel a tickle form in his throat, and decides that denial is the best form of medication. ‘It’s probably just from hearing how bad Rei’s throat is, that’s all.’ He thinks, allowing himself to drift into the world of denial a little deeper. His thoughts are interrupted by… actually, he doesn’t know what by. There’s no actual noise, nothing has happened that should have brought him crashing back into the real world. Fully putting his gaze on Rei, Kazuki suddenly realizes what pulled him back in. “Bless you.” “heH’SHH’uhhh-!” Rei’s eyes meet his with a confused look. Kazuki just chuckles, letting himself indulge in a moment of pride for being able to read him that well. It started with a slight tremble around Rei’s eyes, followed by his nose twitching, and finally a slight gasp in his normal breathing. Patterns that Kazuki didn’t even realize he had memorized, and yet, it came so naturally to him.  While his gaze was already on Rei, he let himself look the man over. His shoulders were tight, like normal, but there was a slight shudder to them that made him reach over and drape a blanket over Rei’s legs. This time he got a low hum in response, reaffirming that he was correct on that assessment. Then there was his throat, which, while he wasn’t talking, was still slightly moving, almost as if he was swallowing constantly. Kazuki reaches over to his side of the couch where he had seen Rei place the water bottle earlier, and hands it to him, blushing a little at the look of pure confusion that met him once again. “You look like you need it… Am I wrong?” There’s no response, he didn’t expect one, but the way Rei’s hands loosen their grip on the controller after he drinks is all the answer Kazuki needs.  “Bless you.” “hH’SHH’uhhh-!”  “And again, and once more.” “hEH’SHH’uhhh-! Hehh-! hH’SHH’uhhh-!”  Rei gives him a withering look, but Kazuki just laughs it off, gently ruffling Rei’s hair, before pulling his hand back with a clearing of his throat. ‘Why did you do that?!” “So- uh- I have a bit more work to do upstairs. I’ll come back down when it-” Suddenly he pauses, a far away look glossing over his features, before snapping to the side with a-  “hih’ISHH’iew-! Tishh’iew-! hAH’ISHH’IEW-! Oh, bless me.”  Blushing slightly at the stare Rei points his direction, Kazuki gives a light shrug. “Don’t ask, I’m not sick, just a few sneezes, it can happen to anyone!” This time Rei definitely didn’t need words to convey his point, the eye roll said it all clearly.  ‘Whatever you say.’ Kazuki elects to ignore this one, settling instead for finishing his earlier sentence. “I’ll come back down when it’s time for you to take some more meds.” Rei nods, then gives Kazuki a look that nearly melts his entire being. The meaning of this one was also clear, and struck him right to his very core. ‘Thank you.’ “You’re welcome.” He whispers back, heading upstairs, and deciding he’ll attribute the fluttering in his chest to the cold. Better to admit that he’s catching an illness rather than the alternative… but the little voice inside him starts screaming once again: ‘You’re in love, you’re in love, you love him!’